Whatever purpose and intent the lobola concept was designed for and implemented in traditional societal structures, it got men feeling they are overcharged.
Some have decided they will not do it until it suits their pockets, desire, or ulterior motives.
Societal Scales can bet you a dime that the three-legged creatures—at least most of those who end up adhering to this culture, custom and traditional practice—do so for wrong reasons. Absolutely.
They would miss many steps and ignore some procedures along the line so that at the end babalwe nalabo labalobolile.
Here is a guy who had followed procedures and paid his dues to his in-laws and yet was not given the recognition he deserved ekhweni, because other than paying lobola, abengenalutfo.
Umfumbesi wakhe, on the other end, babe waSicomu, was a construction guru who had money like dust. Each time kunemsebenti la ekhweni labo, he would bring every equipment—be it light or heavy machinery—to prepare the road, the yard, netindlu imbala. He would further buy the family oceans of alcohol—yet he had not as yet paid lobola for their daughter.
Here is the imbalance: he was overly rated in the family and everyone asked about him, alungiselwe indlu yekulala, whilst lolo walobola wayelala eceleni kwemlilo nemajita aseroundini and no one cared whether he was in the yard or not.
So, the whole lobola concept is jinxed from what it is meant for—starting with the recipients of same, but most of all with the guys who should or actually pay the bride price.
All have desisted from the notion of cementing relationships and appreciating one’s would-be-wife, chosen meritoriously kwamanye amantombazane eminyene.
Our local culture has it that there are two significant cattle for lobola, lugege nensulamnyembeti. The 15 additional are paid for anticipated sexual pleasure a man shall have with his wife and the children that may be realised from that blissful encounter—wemshudvo waphansi!
Your Jockoniah, Macacambela, Themba or Senzo will decide to pay lobola promptly because he is crazily in love with the woman. This is a woman who may not even be harbouring the concept of getting married to the guy, kodvwa naku sekumshishimba ngetinkhomo.
The guy may lobby a few influential members from the lady’s family, and she is sanitised into the idea.
Most women will never say no to lobola paid on their behalf even if they weren’t gaga about the guy.
If she were to utterly refuse such a gesture, that would indicate akawufuni nhlobo lomkhonyovu logalela emabheka.
Society cannot rule out a scenario wherein no sooner would a woman want out of a relationship than the husband throws everything to pay lobola kutewumvimbela kutsi anganyakati. This would be absolutely a bad reason for paying lobola.
Lomntshintsho Maseko had a child with a Sukati guy mshiyaloya kwaBhidlilili. The latter showed no avid interest in the baby mama and hardly checked on her and the baby.
Her socio-economic status was also not attractive for abetsengisa ummbila lowosiwe lapha kuMahlanya and would at times help the family engadzeni.
She was, however, a high school graduate, and upon upgrading her subjects got admitted at the university.
Immediately after graduation, besebamemeta boMsime lomnyama lapha kaKhumalo and the woman had been whisked kuyotekwa.
Men today are eager to marry career women and those who can afford it would quickly pay lobola to ensure they secure their space in the woman’s heart—thus influencing the family kutsi imbambise.
You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to conclude why lobola is paid in a scenario like this. This guy knew his baby mama was a good woman, but also a financial burden until she uplifted herself from poverty.
Everyone can attest societally how lavish the lobola ceremony has become. Apart from the bride price—be it cattle or money—the families will spend extensively on the preparations and further invite half the world to be part of the occasion.
You get to find who is who in society emalobolweni, and one wonders kutsi kuyawubanjani emshadweni.
These guys would be paying lobola for the wrong reasons—believe Scales.
He could have been with the woman for over a decade futsi angayihhumi nekuyihhuma leyekulobola.
This is a guy who can afford to adhere to culture and custom but ngeke until he messes his wife up in the marital stable.
Oftentimes, he would have got another woman pregnant and umfati uyabilelana with evidence kutsi sifohlile silwane.
He will appease the woman not only by buying her an automobile but also appeal to her people that he is still their son-in-law—and he pays lobola—something he should have done centuries ago if he was adherent to culture, custom and tradition.
A beautiful woman was having a difficult birth in one of the prestigious hospitals in the country and the medical team were doing everything technically and medically possible to save both mother and child.
Pacing up and down was a businessman one of the nursing staff knew was her friend’s hubby. He was the said dad to the newborn and a boyfriend to the labouring woman.
When both mom and child were out of danger, his wife had all the details ngisho libito lemntfwana. The conflict was enormous in the house and their marriage was at the brink of collapsing aphetse bufukazi make.
When all had subsided, the businessman converged the entire country ekhakhakhe ayolobola laManana—his wife.
It is unbecoming for a man to pay lobola for a second wife when the first one’s bride price has not been paid.
Here is a guy who would have been married to this woman for decades and had not as yet paid lobola for her.
In the event he meets a woman he is crazy with, he will hurriedly organise emabheka, alobole lomfati lomdzala so that he paves way for the young one, lalamtsandza mbamba ke yena.
Mkokombane Mabilisa, a police officer, chose to pay pride price for LaMalindzisa during the worst drought the country had ever experienced.
The sight of the cattle failed even to provoke the customary kulilitela from her in-laws—bamangala nje bakaMalindzisa lemi hlolo leyentiwa ngubabe waMtontomeli wekuletsa imihoyihoyi la.
A couple of years later the situation had improved and he was paying lobola again, this time for his second and younger wife—his junior at the police force.
The lobola beasts were a spectacle. Not only were they fresh and huge, but they were also a special breed that got the bride’s family, friends and foes envious.
His wife realised that her husband paid her lobola for the askew and wrong reasons. Inhlitiyo yakhe yaphumel’ebaleni who his favourite wife was—if the quality of the bride price was anything to go by.
You are not going to find most men paying lobola for the genuine reason the culture has to be observed for.
If they have not been compelled by circumstances of having impregnated someone’s daughter before marriage, he wants to mark his territory in the woman’s life and ensure she is off-limits to would-be suitors.
Most men to date have not paid lobola for their wives because there has been no pressure, really, to do so!
Eswatini Observer Press Reader
