There is a convention engraved in both masculine and feminine conscience of those who relate in romance that, at some point in time, they indulge in love-making.
Given today’s corroded morals, people hardly wait for marriage to have sex. One thing leads to another, chemistry entwines them and pushes them into each other’s beds — kukhahlelwe tingubo one time and consequently.
Thus, the woman whose heart is entertaining your romantic pursuit is keen that iyawulala ibonene ngalelinye lilanga kumshudvo wengubo. She has goosebumps, butterflies and excitement, even if she may not directly initiate it. In the event you delay for too long, she may even doubt whether you are man enough or interpret it as a lack of attraction.
Women often find it difficult to control a man who does not register how avidly he is drawn unto her femininity. Men, designed after Brother Adam, are not merely merchants of sex in affairs — they also seek validation, acceptance and appreciation through intimacy.
This approach is sometimes misused, especially when men count their conquests as trophies. But that is a digression.
The focus of this narrative is what happens when a girlfriend suddenly infuses celibacy into the affair — declaring that, for this reason or that, she will no longer have sex with you. It is placed in abeyance until she so decides.
Many men experience sexual scarcity in relationships because their girlfriends are holding back.
There is a scale of balance: no law compels a woman to have sex with a man she dates — that is fact.
The underlying truth, however, may be that she withdraws intimacy because she is no longer into you.
She avers that she is “not ready”. Often, no timeline is prescribed. She may not be ready until doomsday. What she may truly be saying is that she does not view you as a candidate for that undertaking. You may not appeal to her looks, demeanour, habits or ambitions.
If she were dating the next man, she might not even mention “not being ready”.
Or perhaps you entered the affair lacking something another man possesses. Some women date financially comfortable men while emotionally attached elsewhere. In such instances, you may merely be the side-guy.
Generally, a woman will not infuse celibacy if she has a boyfriend she genuinely desires — unless she does not truly want him.
“Not being ready,” then, is infused celibacy interpreted through preference, fear or shifting affection.
Consider the case of Mfumbatsisi Matsebula and Khang’sile Masilela. Their relationship was thriving. Careers were flourishing.
Then she began attending church every evening and eventually declared she wanted to grow spiritually. Sex had to halt.
Six months passed.
One morning, Mfumbatsisi went to her apartment to retrieve a necktie. A shiny SUV was parked outside. After persistent knocking, she opened the door — only for a tall, muscular foreign pastor to emerge behind her, hands firmly around her hips.
Months later, she was pregnant. The boyfriend was not the father.
Many men have lost girlfriends in “spiritual growth” seasons where prayer fellowship extended into bedroom fellowship.
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Sometimes celibacy is infused after hurt — perhaps you cheated. Trust is fractured. The “focus on myself” narrative becomes celibacy born of wounded ego.
But when the right man arrives to heal her, self-focus evaporates.
In other cases, she has simply found better.
Ntombintombi, an economist analyst, met her equal abroad. Marriage was mentioned seriously. Upon return, she told her boyfriend she was “finding herself”.
Three months later, a delegation arrived to formally seek her hand.
There stood the former boyfriend — peripheral to infused celibacy — licking his wounds.
Everyone in a relationship is at liberty to change their mind.
Your woman does not need to enumerate your faults before leaving. When she finds better, she may fly — but not before infusing celibacy.
Sometimes celibacy is conviction.
Sometimes it is strategy.
Sometimes it is exit preparation.
